Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize