my room smells like sperm. sweet.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
