Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
