u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
