Ambien. No doubt about it.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
