I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
