She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
