I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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