k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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