She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
