It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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