you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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