i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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