And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
