i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize