i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
