god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
