Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
They have beer where we have blood.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
