just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
