Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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