her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
