Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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