She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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