so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
