remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
