I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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