So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize