I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
