the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My life is pants optional.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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