I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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