I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize