maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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