I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
