she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize