the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
