You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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