Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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