when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
