we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
