I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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