I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
