I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
