There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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