Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
