i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My balls are so social today.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
