Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
