This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
