So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
