stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
