i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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