Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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