By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
