Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
