he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
