Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
