Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize