Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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