Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
