What a fucking waste of an outfit
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
