I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize