They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
