your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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