think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
