not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We have so much sex to catch up on
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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