there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
