They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
