I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
