In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
