Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
