yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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