the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
