Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Found the puke drawer
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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