dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
